By Nangayi Guyson
Somebody who is about to read this article, may call my perception as being a backward person, primitive and thinking like a layman but hey!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a point here to mention. Just continue reading!
As you can read the headline “Is Today’s marriage not wastage of time and resources.?” it is true and this is how I am going to support my point:
Since am an African, I will start like this; I will first look at how marriage was considered in our societies in those early years and end with today.
Marriage in those days
Marriage in those days was valuable not like it is today. It was not about money and properties. Women or girls looked at their bodies as something important to their families. Sex was a taboo intended to preserve moral behavior, to “play” with sex was held to merit a curse. Cheating on your Husband or wife was another criminal case. Virginity was held in high esteem. If a girl came to marriage as a virgin, the bride wealth (dowry) that her suitor’s family had paid would have to be increased. In some tribes, for instance, her mother might be given a cow as a tribute to her successful upbringing of the girl. In such a case, the fact other virginity would be a matter of public knowledge, and would earn her special respect from her in-laws.
Girls and boys marrying old men and women was a grave disgrace to his and her family and to the rest of the society.
People used to enjoy marriage and divorce was not considered as a solution to the failed marriage.
My intention here is to bring out some of the positive values that underlie traditional African approaches to marriage. I am not trying to paint an idealized picture of an unenlightened person but am trying to compare the two to see where we are heading to.
Be careful when marrying a modern woman or man today!!!!!!!!!! You may hate marriage the whole of your life.
One weekend, we were on outing with my fiancé together with our seven months son. We were seated somewhere in one of the good happening places around Kampala. On the next table, there were around six girls seated, their table was blacked with all types of wine you know in the world. They were putting on very tight short skirts. Their lips were full of too much applied lipstick. They were conversing and shouting at a very high voice irritating everyone seated in the place. But many of us never minded about their business.
As they went on shouting, I discovered they were celebrating a breakthrough of one their friends who had got a “Muzungu” (white man) of about 60 sixty years and she was heading to USA two days to come for marriage. The girl looked to be in her 20s. They kept talking and one happened to ask “do you love this Guy?” and her reply was like this “it is not all about love, what matters is that is the Guy is loaded (having money)? This is business my friend”. She explained as she opened the third bottle of Champagne to continue with the cerebration.
Anyway not to go off the road, let me continue with my point, I just wanted to give you a picture of how marriage is looked at today.
Many women like these ones above are common everywhere in our cities around the world. Marriage is business nowadays; someone can marry you today and kill you tomorrow to take what belongs to you.
When a woman is searching to marry nowadays, they look at the type of job the man is doing. How many houses and cars does he own? It is not about how much the man loves her and how good is he.
Sex workers in many cities value sex as something simple. It is just like an exercise, they sale themselves at less than a dollar and the word marriage kills them. They can’t even think about it.
The sexual permissiveness that has spread through the West in the past 30 or 40 years has made serious inroads into African societies. African thinkers in growing numbers are becoming sharply critical of the West for having destroyed the marriage system and left nothing but a moral vacuum in its place. In some cases their criticism may be no more than opportunism at work. In other cases it is undoubtedly quite sincere.
Christian pastors and teachers are often not sensitive enough to the confusion underlying this criticism and to the harm it can do.
Even married Christian couples find themselves cheating on the holy spirited husbands.
Why should we marry when marriage is useless now days?